- My Job View
by dougie.powershots on December 24, 2008 at 07:54:38
My Job Is To…
Read things that don’t matter, then write papers saying they do matter, for points that don’t matter, in order to get a job doing something totally unrelated: Student
Take numbers on pieces of paper, rearrange them and put them on different pieces of paper: Tax Accountant
Explain big words to sales people and then cower before customers while trying to convince them that the sales people really didn’t say what the customers understood: Customer Solutions Engineer
Learn laws created ages ago so that I can tell engineers why I’m smarter than they are while complaining how it’s a travesty that they get paid more: Physics major
Show you innovative ways to burn money in the spirit of patriotism: Fireworks Stand Manager
Help people lie consistently to their bosses: Business Intelligence Consultant
Teach your kids enough to complain but not enough to make a difference: College Teacher
Pass poisonous gas on command: Research Assistant in solid state ammonia storage
Make people who are already filthy rich somewhat richer by duping poor people into buying stuff they don’t need: Corporate Software Engineer
Find as many synonyms for “explosion” as possible: Novelist for Teenage Boys
Supervise the guys and gals who try to protect the good people from the bad, only to be hated by the good people AND the bad: Police Sergeant
Make corporate propaganda feel like folksy truthisms: TV Ad Director
Manage waste recycling, promotion & sales: Antiques Dealer
Arrive after the battle and bayonet all the wounded: Auditor
Sell gas: Energy and Telecom Business Analyst
Tell forty year-old men it’s okay to behave like fourteen year-old school girls: Printing Press Production Coordinator
Provide arcane information on a need-to-know basis: Chief Accountant
Shepherd clients through the process of setting their products on fire: Consumer Products Tester
Manage urban renewal and pest control: B-52 Bomber pilot
Persuade kids that it’s really fun being wet, cold and scared out of their minds: Sailing Instructor
Draw up plans for something that will not be built according to those plans: Civil Engineer, Transportation Design
Teach kids to be evil…or so they say: Video Game Creator
Ensure that stupid people stay in the gene pool: Lifeguard
Spend most of the day looking out the window: Pilot
Wear a tuxedo and smash metal plates into each other: Musician
Go to strange people’s houses and take their money: Pizza Delivery Boy
Sell gluttony: Cinema Concession Stand Attendant
Tell people that they can’t spend money they thought they had: Government Analyst
Take pictures of the unlucky and the stupid: X-ray Technician
Profit from the misfortunes of others: Cops and Courts Reporter
Take a simple two-way promise and turn it into several complicated one-way promises which neither side can understand or hope to fulfill: Lawyer
Bring a little rain into the lives of flood victims: Government Debt Collector
Have people spend far more than they estimated: Building Inspector
Make sure nothing ever happens: IT Security
Move things from one tube to another: Microbiologist
Try not to kill the baby: Housewife
Misinterpret the universe: Astronomer
Be a human napkin: Stay-at-home mom of three
Run away and call the police: Security Guard
Copy and paste the Internet: Student
The Top 10
Help people hate each other: Divorce Lawyer (Scott Adams’ favorite)
Stand on a field and get yelled at for hours: Baseball Umpire
Talk in other people’s sleep: College Professor
Call people who know what they’re doing and ask them what they’re doing: Incident Manager
Show people how beautiful the Earth would be without them: Mountain Landscape Photographer/Climber
Make people feel bad about their work: Quality Assurance Tester
Repeatedly fix what you repeatedly break: IT Director
Clean up an animal that makes more money then me in a year: Assistant Horse Trainer
Write words that no one wants to read: Technical Writer
Make food that is as healthy before it goes in your body as when it comes back out: Fast Food Employee
Powered By Cases Ladder
Leagues: 1,773 - Players: 164,642 - Matches Played: 101,635,954
