ORDERING PIZZA

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: Operator: Thank you for calling Pizza : Hut. May I have your national ID : number? : Customer: Hi, I'd like to place an : order. : Operator: I must have your NIDN first, : sir. : Customer: My National ID Number, yeah, : hold on, eh, it's 6102049998-45-54610. : Operator: Thank you Mr. Smith. I see you : live at 1742 Meadowland Drive, and the : phone number is 494-2366. Your office : number over at Lincoln Insurance is 745- : 2302 and your cell number is 266-2566. : Email address is smith@home.net Which : number are you calling from? : Customer: Huh? I'm at home. Where'd you : get all this information? : Operator: We're wired into the HSS, sir. : Customer: The HSS, what is that? : Operator: We're wired into the Homeland : Security , sir. This will add only : 15 seconds to your ordering time. : Customer: (sighs) Oh well, I'd like to : order a couple of your All Meat : Special pizzas. : Operator: I don't think that's a good : idea, sir. : Customer: Whaddya mean? : Operator: Sir, your medical records and : commode sensors indicate that you've got : very high blood pressure and extremely : high cholesterol. Your National Health : Care provider won't allow such an : unhealthy choice . : Customer: What?!?! What do you : recommend, then? : Operator: You might try our low-fat : Soybean Pizza. I'm sure you'll like : it. : Customer: What makes you think I'd like : something like that? : Operator: Well, you checked out 'Gourmet : Soybean Recipes' from your local library : last week, sir. That's why I made the : suggestion. : Customer: All right, all right. Give me : two family-sized ones, then : Operator: That should be plenty for you, : your wife and your four kids. : Your 2 dogs can finish the crusts, sir. : Your total is $49.99. : Customer: Lemme give you my credit card : number. : Operator: I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid : you'll have to pay in cash. Your credit : card balance is over its limit. : Customer: I'll run over to the ATM and : get some cash before your driver gets : here. : Operator: That won't work either, sir. : Your checking account is overdrawn also. : Customer: Never mind! Just send the : pizzas. I'll have the cash ready. How : long will it take? : Operator: We're running a little behind, : sir. It'll be about 45 minutes, sir. If : you're in a hurry you might want to : pick'em up while you're out getting the : cash, but then, carrying pizzas on a : motorcycle can be a little awkward. : Customer: Wait! How do you know I ride a : scooter? : Operator: It says here you're in arrears : on your car payments, so your : car got repo'ed. But your Harley's paid : for and you just filled the tank : yesterday. : Customer: Well, I'll be a #%#^^&$%^$@# : Operator: I'd advise watching your : language, sir. You've already got a : July 4, 2003, conviction for cussing out : a cop and another one I see here in : September for contempt at your hearing : for cussing at a judge. Oh yes, I see : here that you just got out from a 90 day : stay in the State Correctional Facility. : Is this your first pizza since your : return to society? : Customer: (speechless) : Operator: Will there be anything else, : sir? : Customer: Yes, I have a coupon for a : free 2 liter of Coke. : Operator: I'm sorry sir, but our ad's : exclusionary clause prevents us from : offering free soda to diabetics. The New : Constitution our country started using : in 2006 prohibits this. : Thank you for calling Pizza Hut!

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