Subject: Fw: FW: What A Lady!
>
>
> This is a great letter! I am gonna file it for future use lol!!!
>
> > What a Lady! Below is an actual letter sent to a bank. The bank
>manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in the New York
>Times.
> >
> Dear Sir:
> >
> I am writing to thank you for bouncing my check with which I endeavored to
> pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three nanoseconds must have
>elapsed between his presenting the check and the arrival in my account of
>the funds needed to honor it.
> >
>I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my entire salary, an
>arrangement which, I admit, has been in place for only eight years. You are
>to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity,and also for
>debiting my account $50 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to
>your bank.
> >
>My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused
>me to rethink my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally
>attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am
>confronted by the impersonal, overcharging,prerecorded faceless entity which
>your bank has become.
> >
>From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood
>person. My mortgage and loan repayments will, therefore and hereafter,
>no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank, by check,
>addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you
>must nominate. Be aware that it is an offense under the Postal Act for any
>other person to open such an envelope. Please find attached an Application
>Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am
>sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him
>or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative.
> >
> Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be
>countersigned by a Notary Public, and the mandatory details of his/her
>financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must
>beaccompanied by documented proof.
> >
> In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she
> must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28
>digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses
>required to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they
>say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
> >
> Let me level the playing field even further. Press buttons as
>follows:
> > 1.- To make an appointment to see me.
> > 2.- To query a missing payment.
> > 3.- To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there.
> > 4.- To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping.
> > 5.- To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature.
> > 6.- To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home.
> > 7.- To leave a message on my computer, a password to access my
>computer is required. Password will be communicated at a later date to the
>authorized contact.
> > 8.- To return to the main menu and to listen to options 1 through 7.
> > 9.- To make a general complaint or inquiry. The contact will then be
> > put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service.
> >
>While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will
>play for the duration of the call.
> >
>Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an
>establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
>May I wish you a happy, if ever-so-slightly less prosperous day,
> >
> > Your Humble Client
> >
> > Judy